January 19, 2009

Therapy After Therapy

Saturday afternoon i had my first appointment with a counselor. I'm at a point now where I don't think i can pull my self up by my own boot straps and a little outside help would be good. This is not my first experience with a therapist. I had 2 between the ages of 18 & 20. I had 2 session with a woman in July, did not work out because of insurance and i could not afford her out of pocket or out-of-network or really, i don't think we were a good match.

Unfortunately I don't think i'm a good match with the woman i met on Saturday either. When i have to call both of my sisters to rant about how she got on her soap box about a particular issue which was a side subject and not the main reason i was there. That i'm actually angry, feel belittled, and not just a touch manipulated by the counselor instead of feeling encouraged that this is a woman who can help me through a struggle. I don't think this a good sign. Still, I dread canceling our second appointment scheduled for this coming Saturday. Both my sisters immediately said not to go back and that i don't have to have any since of commitment to her. And i keep reminding my self that giving people a second chance after they've pissed me off once is how i'm in the situation i'm now in.

At the same time, i'm discouraged, it's a lot of freakin' paper work to meet with someone and then in the first hour boil down the problem to 10 min. of an explanation and be able to articulate exactly why i'm there when the only really good answer is that i can't sit on the couch numbing my feelings with ice cream forever.

Another thing on my mind is that I HAVE TO figure out something to do after a counseling session. Usually, i'm tired, sad and a little weepy after that hour. My default is to of course go get a good girly movie and some chocolate and then waste the rest of my evening. I just don't see how the wallowing can be constructive anymore. I'll need to find something nice for my self to do to transition between the session and life.

0 What do you think?: