Look Up

 
The theme for May at NaBloPoMo is Look Up and i've chosen to participate this month. It is an apt theme for me because on Thursday I got laid off from my job of 3.5 years. There is nothing like being pushed out of a comfort zone to re-exam what i want to be doing. This was the end of my first traditional 8-5, cubical farm, with benefits & 401K job after college and so I imagine I can only go up from here.

With it only being about 60 hours since i got the news the most enlightening thought i've had is that; this is the most free time I've had since childhood. Especially considering the past 9 years has included a combination of college (year round), homework and work (worked part-time in school & then full after.) I know I will spend a fair amount of time looking for a new job but i'm pretty excited about having time & energy for some personal projects that have been stewing away for ages.

If you're participating in NaBloPoMo for May let me know, i'll come visit.

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interesting... having a subtitle....

A Collection of Random Short Paragraphs

I spent the day hunting and pecking for code for the blog. I'm not satisfied with the current layout. There are a few things i want to add and adjust.

***
Tonight I also got caught up on all the recent episodes of The Office. I think this season is shaping up very well. It's surprising how much this show utilizes additional features for the websites, they have webisodes, blogs for actors and the characters, behind the scenes... props to the creators behind the concept to give this TV show a huge web presents. Some people don't watch the show because they work in an office and they don't want to watch a show about their day job but i have disagree - no one works in this type of office!

***
We've been in this rental house for 2 months and i'm still deciphering between good and bad noises. Never did i realize how much i paid attention to sounds at the apartment and could quickly judge them as normal or potential danger. Just 2 minutes ago an odd frog croaking sound started that i haven't heard before. I'm in the front bedroom and can hear just about anything in the front drive and now i think there is a frog out there. Why do we have frogs?! Ewww.

***
I hate the transition at this time of year into darkness. Sure it was nice to have some sun at 6:30am but it was completely dark when i left work at 5:15pm. What makes it worse is that nothing can happen outside when i get home. I can't play chuck-it with the dogs when i get home because they can't see where the ball went! I guess my only solution is flood lights for the backyard for a little evening running about with the dogs. Course when the wind starts up i won't want to be out there anyway.... {where i live is known for its crazy high winds in the winter}

What Next?

Coming back from weekends at the coast always cause a little bit of "where is our life going?" melancholy. Specially after this weekend. Friday we had dinner with a friend who has his life fairly mapped out. He kept asking legitimate questions about what we're doing and we kept saying "We don't know" or "There is this option or this option" or "if we go this route we'll choose this". Life is in a little bit of a limbo.

I feel this pressure inside my self to pick a direction already! Which I've noticed before in groups of people where 30 minutes are spent discussing options and i'm thinking "pick something already, they're all good!". Which is exactly what i'm feeling about our options on the table. Lets pick something already and if we don't like it we'll switch to another one, we can't pick a choice that would be the end of the world. Or you know, if the end of the world does happen i'm cool about dying and not having to make any more decisions.

Happy Anniversary to Me

It has been five years to the day since I arrived in Oregon. Don't regret the choice to move at all.

Magical Apartment

The thought of moving to this amazing apartment but highly expensive apartment has been heavy in my mind lately. The fairy thoughts that some how by moving in to this apartment I will become a better person, suddenly our marriage will be better, our lives in general excellent.

A few of the day dreams:
- The apartment will stay clean. By somehow having a small bedroom would make us want to hang up our clothes every time we change them. The fact that the kitchen would have less counter space i'd do the dishes more often.

- In this clean apartment i would have the stamina to get up early every morning {before my husband} and do my 30 minutes of pilates in our new cozy den. Followed by 30 minutes of cardio in the gym on the property.

- We'd be better with money because we'd have to be to make the rent. We would have to pay attention to our spending because if we didn't we'd find our selves with over drafts and no electricity {then how could i do pilates?}.

Reality check - moving will make NONE of those things happen. The only thing that will change that is our attitudes about responsibilities and discipline to follow through on things that are not fun. Boo, it will not be handed to me magically.

Considering all of that I'm plotting on how those three things, which are the top three bane of my existence, can happen right where we're currently living.

***
Why does my husband think it's fun to call me and tell me I have a flat tire after we just spent $350 to fix other problems on his car. Thankfully he was at a gas station and able to fill it with air oh but didn't want to be bothered with using his tire gauge to check it's the right pressure. He always tells me these types of stories like they're supposed to be funny little things about life. They're not funny, it causes me a little bit of anxiety at the fact that a) there is probably a hole in the tire and b) that he might have over inflated which if there isn't a whole and it was just low from sitting around for 3 weeks, that he could have a blow out.

Lord just get him home safely and we'll take my car to the movies for the date. We'll ignore the fact that my car needs some minor repairs too.

Who's Right?

I'm right. It's 9:51am and we're still here. We haven't even packed, let alone cleaned out the car to put the dog crates in. Yeah, it looks like it's going to be a really late start to our weekend plans.

Have a good weekend!

Doctors

Here's a random thought for you. I went to a new doctor today for my early {yea, health!}. It occured to me while i was sitting in my gown and sheet waiting for the docotor, that this is a very odd way to meet someone for the first time. She was nice but i don't expect to see her next year. Well, maybe i should be more hopeful but i doubt it. The reason is that either my insurance will change and she won't be covered or she'll leave the practice. Every year w/o fail, one of these 2 things happen. In my 7 years of doing this i've never seen the same doctor twice. Thankfully i'm healthy and there isn't anything to monitor, other wise that might get annoying.


Was that TMI?

Friday

I have high hopes for this weekend.

First i hope it's sunny and i think it's supposed to be.

Then i'll go to Pilates on saturday morning. Arrive home feeling refreshed.

Then i'll rearrange the furniture just a little {husband did a lot last week i'm just tweaking}.

Then i'll tackle the big big stack of mail that needs to be sorted, shredded, delt with & filed.

Then i'll try to clean my office {at least some big stuff out of the way for table space}

Then i'll settle in for the Hulk movie while i edit trip pictures.

Then i'll go to church on Sunday and gloriously smile at all my haircut comments {is that not the best part of getting a haircut? well, besides the freedom of short hair}.

Then i'll work on my sister's birth announcements before they have to be turned into Christmas cards or happy 1st birthday.

Then i'll brainstorm for my zine project {it's a collaboration project i'm part of and pgs due nov. 7th}.

Then... whoa, i just freaked my self out by listing all this stuff. I think i'll be happy if i get the first 2 completed.

Have a good one!

Life Update

I'm going to Texas in October!

I'm mostly excited but a little sad. This was our year to go down for Thanksgiving and i thought buying the tickets 2 months in advance would be enough and in the past leaving on T-day was the cheapest - well not this year! It would have cost us close to $1,000 dollars for me and my husband to go. Lets just say we didn't budget for that much. Plus, M. started a new job and has no time off except for thanksgiving day and that fri after which didn't help with the price of the tickets.

After a little hemming and hawing... the choice was made instead of breaking the bank I'd go to Texas by my self. Since i was going by my self it would make sense to go at the same time my mom & step-dad would be in town from New York. That's the exciting part, I get to see them! It's been 1.5yrs since my mom and 2yrs for my step-dad. The sad part is my husband is stuck at home and it puts some some plans on hold {like going to the Ft. Worth Zoo, the point was to take him}. Bonus to going in Oct. i get to go to the State Fair - sad part, i would love to take M. to it some year.

I have been really thankful though that M. has been very encouraging for me to go see my family. Sure, he likes my family but in the end they're mine and it's not exactly the same bond. I understand this, i feel the same about his - love them but i'd have him go alone if i couldn't make it. Sometimes it's the hardest thing living in different states!

***
In other exciting news, i'm going to an art class hosted by Art & Soul while it's here in Portland. I'm only taking one class but it's on block printing which I LOVE {even though you can't tell because i never post any of my work, the little that i have}. There are so many classes i would have loved to take but again the money thing but maybe next year!

*Gasp*

i'm still breathing but slowly - completely rolled down the hill and now laying at the bottom wondering "do i have to get up?"

Cell Phone - love or hate it

I was at Sparkeltopia Monday and she had posted an interesting article by Ben Stein for The New York Times on his perspective of cellphones, titled Connected, Yes, but Hermetically Sealed. Go read it, it's very well written and offers an interesting point of view.

I don't totally agree with his point of view. Ben's perspective is that we're now ball and chained to cell phones and that we don't think anymore and wouldn't the world be better with out them. He blames the cell phone for causing too much connection {the business employee always reachable} and for lack of connection {kids walking down the street texting but not talking}. I believe the cell has gotten a bad wrap. The problem is more far reaching then blaming an electronic device. It's more that most Americans* have lost the ability to set healthy boundaries of personal space. An employee can set the rules down that they're not available after hours, the person who wants to do an activity undisturbed has the ability to shut the phone off, the kid that texts will still turn to the friend beside them to talk about what another friend said.

The cell phone is a tool, how are you using it?
*i say America because i only know this culture

Have a different opinion?

Sneaky Dream

Last night i went to bed at 9:30p because the night before i had missed out on sleep by going to bed at 1:00a. I love my sleep, i believe that 8 hours of sleep is the right amount but somedays it's ok to go over but under is bad and usually means foggy brain the next day.

I had all kinds of little dreams last night. In the one that was most clear, i was getting ready for work and running late. I knew i worked in a tall business office and something formal because i was actually putting on hose. I called the receptionist for the office to tell her i was running late. She asked "do you want to take it as a day off?" - i debated it, i was only going to be an hour late but if she was offering a day off i was going to take it. I replied "yes, i'll take the day off."

Then I wake up. I wake up to the very sad realization that i did not have the day off. I felt disappointed that it wasn't true and then annoyed that my brain had completely tricked me. I contemplated calling in sick but talked my self out. I sit here typing this in the single level building that houses the company i work for, grateful to be in my jeans and sneakers and not hose.

Getting Shorter

The days are getting shorter. This makes me bummed. I'm not really ready for fall yet. I've enjoyed our mild summer, only a few days of raging heat and the rest have been left pleasantly warm.

Last night i noticed at 8:30p that it was practically dark out, if not a little dusky.
This morning at 6:00a, when i actually woke up before my alarm, the sky was a dull gray not roaring sunny like it has been the past few months.

Hi Everybody!

I didn't intend to take such a long break from the blog but such is life. This past week i was in one tired, cranky with small breaks of sunshine mood. Plus a little busy with a few social events and a freelance gig.

Today i feel awesome! My husband got back into town last night after a week of being away. I had missed him but didn't realize what horrible sleep i was getting until last night. I slept great! A couple of odd dreams but i woke up this morning rested. I love my sleep people and apparently i get really good sleep when i know my man is home.

So, I still have photos to post of our anniversary get away. Also a funny video of the dogs.

Now, a quick story about Sunday. Me and a friend when to another friend's house. This house is sitting on a mountain and it's beautiful and relaxing to be there! Our plans were to get together and be creative but we only got an hour into it before we abandon the picnic table for the kitchen and more food. It was the BEST time! Homemade strawberry jelly and freezer jam on homemade biscuits is just good soul food.

One of the best items i was introduced to was a tea. Both friends are big into teas and i'm only really into ice tea and the occasional hot. Well.... i was convinced to try this black tea called Yorkshire Gold - it's amazing!! It has a full body and rich taste especially with a little bit of milk and a dash of sugar. On Monday morning i was craving it like my normal cup of morning coffee, it was that tasty! Apparently, it's considered an expensive tea but i figure if i just paid $12.95 for a pound seasonal type of coffee - i can afford $5.99 for a box of 40 tea bags. Disclaimer: I only googled the link to the online store, i have not ordered from them before. I'm told you can find the tea in most speciality tea shops.

Run Down

Here's a run down of things in my brain:

Projects to be completed & or in the mail by the 18th:
- sister's birth announcements {the baby will be 2 months - that's not too bad right?}
- zine pages {phobias is the theme - got my idea - execution time}
- sketch of picture to go with a story for a collaborative project {again, have idea just gotta get it down!}
- notes/handout on how to use a blog {i'm leading a small blogging 101 type class for the art group i'm part of}

Projects I'd like to do soon:
- Catch up on my block prints - i'm supposed to have 6 by now but only really have 3.
- Make glass coasters for house warming gift to s-i-l {don't worry she doesn't read the blog}
- Start scanning in documents i want to keep but don't want the physical copies of

***
Where are we going to live?! We have to give notice by Aug. 1st if we're renewing our apt. lease or moving. We're toying, a little, with moving downtown {gasp!} Or we might rent a house Or we might stay where we are and try to buy in 6 months.

***
Cleared out 1 more box from the closet. Found my birth certificate, old stamps i'd been searching for for months and varies nick-knacks that i forgot about but now fond of again that i found them. They went back into a box, i don't know what to do with them yet. I did not find: car title or original packaging for my MS Office 2000, I still need the key code for reinstall. {side rant: my usb ports are not working on my computer! I can't access old files on a external hd and i can't unload my camera card. I hate reloading my computer. I'd love hmm, i don't know $5,000 to start over with all the programs i want}

I also went through a box of old journals/sketch books. O.M.G. i tossed several journals filled to the brim with teenage drama. Some people like to hold on to their journals or reread them. I find it painful to go back through them. Painful in the way that i'll catch a line and think "wow i still struggle with that insecurity" or i'll find pages filled about some emotional upheaval i was having over a guy that at the time matter a lot but now i have no clue where he is {nor do i care}. I'd rather just chuck the journal then carry around all that muck.

The other thing about going through all these boxes that have been stashed is how much crap i have. The past 4 years i have been slowly chipping away at all i brought with me to Portland. Still have no clue how it all fit in a 10ft x 10ft room in Texas. I still need to developed that callousness to just toss anything i'm not using because no one really wants it either. I did, finally, go through a few old {2003} Real Simple magazines and pulled out articles and a few receipts i wanted. It's kind of surprising how similar Real Simple issues are from one year to the next. Still love the layout of the mag though and those little inspirational pages in the front.

Ah, the woes of a pack-rat.

***
When a prayer request is voiced don't confuse it with a request for human advice. If you're offering unsolicited advice don't be offended if the intended receiver disagrees with you and don't try to explain the advice again in an attempted to persuade them. No need to over explain and only explain a point if the person requests it {this is really good with anything not just advice}.

So, there's my unsolicited advice to you.

***

4:00 AM

I was so pleasantly asleep until 4:00 AM when this HUGE rumble sound echos in the bedroom. I was shocked and pleasantly surprised that not only did we get not 1 but 2 thunderstorms in a week!

When we were heading out to bed around 11, there was far away lightening and thunder. Couldn't see the lightening streaks just that it would light up the cloudy sky. A tiny soft rumble would happen next.

By 4:00 it was in full force right over the apartment. The lightening was so bright that even with my eyes closed i could tell when it went off. I guess i should explain that because we have no a/c we have our windows and blinds open for air circulation from fans.

The rain was pouring down but great sounding. It's not often you hear hard rain here but i love it when i do! The loud thunder didn't last but for about 4 rumbles and then it quieted it self down just a little.

It was a little distracting to go back to sleep but at the same time perfect weather to stay cozy in bed. I should report that our dogs handled it beautifully, no barking or going crazy.

Randomness

Who knew going to the grocery store was good fodder for the blog.

Yesterday evening I swung by a local chain grocery store to pick up two things. I get to the check out stand and place the rubber gloves and blue ink pens on the belt. It occurred to me that those seem like the two most opposite things you could buy together because they're rarely, if ever, used together. Then started to wonder what odd combos the check out clerks see, not that they probably cared to keep track.

I was quite surprised to find non-latex heavy rubber gloves because normally it's only those horrid yellow ones. I'm hoping they don't smell as bad. I can't stand the way the cheap ones make my hands smell but i tolerate it because i have a higher dislike of touching dirty dishes. If anyone knows of some great rubber gloves please let me know!

The pens were just so i could have some nice pens in the house again. Somehow I can only seem to find 1 or 2 good pens at a time and then i lose them again. Last night i didn't feel like hunting one down.

The other thing i found humors was in the parking lot of the store. I was turning out from a row onto another one that runs in front of the store. It was one of those awkward moments where people are walking out and they look like they're going to cross but keep walking beside the building instead. So, i go ahead and complete my turn slowly but then the two guys who are dressed in army fatigues go ahead and start moving to cross the street. I stop and then they do that half walk half jog to hurry and get across. I found it ironic that these two men may have or will face things much more dangerous then getting hit by a car but they still hurry to get out of the way. They were probably trying to be nice but still found it a little ironic.

It should also be noted that i used the pens last night but not the gloves.... Saturday maybe i'll use them. Tonight my husband and i are actually going on a date to dinner and a movie, by our selves! I'm looking forward to it.

Humming...

I feel restless in a lot of ways.

I am dissatisfied with several things.

I would like to explore some change.

Monday - slow build up from bad to good

Monday started out badly, really it all started Sunday night when my husband ended up having to work an hour later than normal which caused me to fall asleep and miss saying good night.

Was enjoying my breakfast at home {go me} when my phone went off at 7:15am. It was my company's printers - not completely unexpected because i did have a press check today. Oops turns out it was at 7am and they forgot to tell me! I told them sorry but i can't get there any faster then an hour {had to wrap up my lunch & it takes me 45min to get there - bonus go me for packing lunch}. The whole way there i was annoyed even though i was rockin' out to OK GO i kept playing out defensive arguments i would have with the press men and then my boss. Turns out everyone was cool/didn't care.

Walked in the door at work and was informed that the Xerox tech would be in this afternoon. Ok, what's wrong? The paper catch tray broke off! Apparent the machine really can malfunction and not tell it self that the catch tray is full until it's too late and the weight of the paper makes it snap off. Now, i could make some snide remark about why didn't the guys on shift notice that the paper was full and move it off? I could but then some day it will probably happen to me and i wouldn't want to be called a moron when it's really the machines fault.

Turning point - my sister sent me pictures of Noel sleeping - awww her little mouth was slightly open. One can not stay in a bad mood with baby pictures of their niece. Way excited that i leave on Saturday to go see her!

This afternoon i was feeling a little weird - i think it was having too much cheese with lunch but i digress... and wishing i didn't have a gym training session right after work. What happens an hour later? I get a phone call from my trainer saying he needs to reschedule! Excellent - so now i can go home and feel weird which is so much better then trying to do leg lifts on a bad stomach.

I think i might rewatch Mad Money tonight. I know, you wouldn't think it was a good movie but it's funny and clever. Plus the song that plays on the main menu and i think the credits is very catchy.