December 6, 2007

Kitchen Rant

Whenever I clean the kitchen after its been neglected for days a rant builds up inside me. It should be understood that neither my husband nor I like cleaning the kitchen, it’s at the top of our least liked chores. However, my threshold for what is tolerable is shorter than his and mine is pretty long. I once conducted a personal observation to see how long it would take for him to break and clean the kitchen. At three weeks* with no practical dishes left in the cupboards and a weird smell, I broke.

*get married with a lot of dishes and 2 people can go a long time with out washing them.

I say that to say this: If he doesn’t do it for his mother he won’t do it for you.

When we were dating he was till living at home. I would go over and hang out and be there for dinner. I always felt a little guilty when we’d be upstairs playing pool or whatever and his mom was down stairs cooking. I’d ask if we needed to go down and help and he always said no. Every now and then I’d go down and offer anyway and sometimes she’d find me something to do and sometimes she’d decline my help. Four years later I’m still trying to figure out the balance of help and being in the way. Now that we’re married, he doesn’t help cook. He will cook on occasion though.

After dinner I’d say 90% of the time his mom did the dishes with usually one of the boys (my hubs is the oldest of five boys) unloading and then loading the dishes when she handed them off. I got into the routine of putting away the leftovers. Hubs would be nowhere to be found. Now that we’re married, he doesn’t do the dishes, even when he cooks.

I know I should have the mind set that I am cleaning this house not just for him but for me. So I can function appropriately and healthy inside this house that is supposed to be a haven. Although, honestly, this past year I’d say it’s been more of a burden then a haven. It is difficult to strike a balance between two people that work full time with a lot of extra activities and add the fact that cleaning does not come naturally to them.

I could ramble in several different directions from here. I’ll do a summery and wrap up in bullet points to keep it short.
- Cleaning the kitchen makes me feel resentful
- Resentful makes me feel guilt
- There are things you should pay attention to when dating, if you don’t like it when you’re dating you’re going to hate it when you’re married.
- I should talk to him
- Doubtful things will change
- How can I change my self?
- Realize this is for me just as much as for him
- Establish a routine – I liked that week when I actually did the dishes daily, it was manageable.

0 What do you think?: