Tuesday Night Thoughts

I just finished watching Juno for the first time. It's a great movie. The writing is excellent, the actors perfect - I even cried at the end. It is a movie more apt to interest female viewers because the main topic is pregnancy and the awkwardness that is teen pregnancy but it's also about family and relationships. It's just very very good.

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Today is earth day, whoo-flippin'-do. The big thing in the media (radio, tv news) is what're you doing to be greener? Green, hybrid, recycle, reuse, renew, biodegradable, global warming, one thing, renewable resources, mother earth, save the planet... Alright, yes, we should not trash the planet we have but do i believe that it's absolutely has horrible as the media makes you think? Not quiet.

Here is the thing, as an example of the "one thing you can do" is take your coffee cup to work and or local coffee shop to save on using paper cups that can't biodegrade (or at least not quickly). What is the problem with paper not degrading? Eventually we're going to run out of room. But how can we affect one area w/o affecting another? Because that coffee cup that i'm toting around has to be washed which requires electric energy and hot water and soap. So, by keeping a paper cup out of the waist i have now burned energy that is linked back to a power plant that is probably emitting something bad. I've used water which again linked back to a power cleaning plant which i'm sure is emitting something bad. So, is the carbon foot print more or less by me using a normal mug? Which may or may not be made of plastic or metal which is a whole other thing about what kind of carbon foot print happened while making this reusable cup.

Here is the other twist of irony, i'm required by law to pick up my dog's poo and dump it in a plastic bag (the plastic bag is not specified in law as far as i know but that is what's available to me). Why, when plastic is not biodegradable should i put something that is completely biodegradable in it?

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I'm tired of pretending that everything is ok in my life. Marriage is extremely hard! My husband and I last night came to the conclusion that we both feel a pressure to do everything in the marriage. Yet oddly enough nothing gets done (like budgeting or real grocery shopping) because i think we're waiting on the other person to do it. I know i've been waiting to see some initiative. After I made the statement about the pressure and he agreed - we didn't say a word. Probably 3-5 min. later i told him I didn't know what to say and he agreed to that. Another 3 min. and he leaves the bedroom to go finish a movie he had started prior. I put in a call about 2 weeks ago to a counselor on my insurance list about making the first appointment, i haven't heard back. I'm thinking i'll need to call someone else.

It was probably about a year before i got married I was having a conversation with my step-mom and it lead to her commenting that people in a relationship can feel lonely. I told her that didn't make sense to me, how could people being part of something be lonely? Sadly, i totally get it now.